Naughty Dogs...Terrible Mom

Waiting for dad to come home

Hello...Popcorn here.  About a month ago all three of us severely traumatized our mom...and I don't think she has forgiven us yet.  Dad was out of town visiting family and mom wanted to take us for a walk down by the river.  We love walking by the river.  Columbia Falls has a great park down there...with three giant fields and lots of large trees.  We had walked (well...Rooster ran...he always runs) through two of the fields and were along the outside edge of the third when the mayhem began.  Honestly...it was that bad dog Diggity's fault.  She is always the instigator.  Rooster and I were walking/running near mom and Diggity went out into the tall grass in the middle of the field...presumably to "take a poop."  Seriously...most of the time mom thinks Diggity is about to croak.  She is 13 years old...and boney.  She recently pooped out a giant tapeworm.  Often she is panting and acts like she is on her death bed.  It was hot on the day of this story...so Diggity had been panting and acting lethargic all morning.  Mom was worried about her but at least wanted to lift her spirits with a walk.  I think mom figures that if Diggity is going to keel over when dad is out of town...she might as well do it while enjoying life. 

Diggity was out in the middle of the tall grass...when mom heard a sound...like a crying cat.  She looked over...and saw Diggity sort of jump a little out of the grass...like she was playing with kitten or something.  I'm pretty sure mom thought it was one of the barn cats from the community garden out there...and since it looked like playing...at first she didn't react.  About 30 seconds later she heard the sound again...and took off running towards that horrible brown Diggity dog.  Rooster and I followed.  We knew something awesome was about to happen.  Next thing we knew...mom was violently kicking Diggity.  A newborn fawn appeared on the ground...bleating (I should mention that I can't hear the bleating because I am deaf...but I could see the little fawn's mouth hole opening and closing).  Rooster and I crowded in to join in the excitement and mom started kicking us too!  Mom looked very distressed...Diggity was drooling...and other people were starting to gather on the edges of the field.  Mom grabbed the fawn and held it in her arms lovingly.  She was swearing...I could read her lips.  Lots of swearing.  She started walking.  Rooster, Diggity, and I...well...I admit...we were jerks.  It was just too exciting...and we wanted that fawn so bad.  Mom
was kicking us out of the way as she tried to get over to the nearest tree.  She realized somewhere along the way that she had dropped her phone and our leashes out in the grass somewhere...and couldn't put the fawn down because she couldn't contain our sorry asses so that we wouldn't kill it.  Poor mom.  I'm going to let Rooster tell the rest of the story because he could actually hear the words that were said. 

Hello...Rooster here.  As mom was walking towards the tree trying to save the fawn...she was mumbling...in between yelling bad words at us.  She mumbled "I am like those people who put the baby bison in their car....because right now I want to put this soft baby fawn in my car."  Mom then mumbled "I am an asshole...I am that person who can'
t control her dog off leash."  All of a sudden...we heard a female voice from the far end of the field say "I think the mom is over here!"  Our mom seemed very relieved and carried the fawn to the woods near its mom.  Thing is...Diggity, Popcorn, and I...well...we just can't help ourselves.  We wanted that baby deer.  Mom had to ask a nice young couple to restrain us so she could go search for our leashes and her phone.  She finally got all of the items together...restrained us...and we went back to walking.  Mom was so mad by this time...I could feel it...but Diggity...who was just fine ten minutes ago whilst attempting to wring the neck of the fawn...was panting as if she were on her death bed again.  Mom felt that Diggity needed some water down at the river before going back to the car...so off we went...mom practically dragging us and mumbling multiple swear words under her breath while intermittently berating herself for being a bad dog owner (she forgets sometimes that WE own HER). 

Flash forward to after getting a drink and cooling off in the river...we were on leash...walking back to the car...and ran into another human with a dog.  Mom stopped to tell him about the fawn in the woods...and to keep an eye out.  I smelled something interesting right next to us in the grass.  I reached down to snatch it...it was small, wiggly, and furry.  I decided not to mess with chewing it up because it was trying to scratch me with it's claws...I could hear mom saying "Oh my God....Rooster."  I felt her tug hard on my leash.  I was very focused though...I had to get this thing down the gullet before it scratched the inside of my mouth to pieces.  A second later...Success!  I looked innocently up at mom...who was about to cry.  I realized at that moment that I was foaming at the mouth.  Mom was dragging us towards the car and mumbling over and over again..."I can't believe you just ate a baby skunk...oh my God...seriously...swallowed it whole."  She then called dad on her phone...and was telling him that he needed to COME HOME...something about how lame we all are and how she is unable to manage our lives.  She then called work and told them she would be late because she had to wash out my mouth. 

I will admit...we are BAD.  We do bad stuff.  We love our mom though.  She is sort of unstoppable.  I mean...we are jerks for pushing our limits...but we are also dogs...through and through.  We simply can't help ourselves.  My rule is to make sure and smile...be funny...and always be happy to see mom and dad...and it usually erases all the bad things we do.  I wasn't so sure this time.